How the Jolt Awards Got Their Name

The Jolt Awards were named after Jolt Cola ("twice the caffeine and twice the sugar") of course...but why? If you must know, it followed the publication in the April 1989 issue of Computer Language Magazine containing the product comparison article I wrote about Caffeinated Soft Drinks. This tongue-in-cheek article was alot of fun to write in the "compiler product review" language of the day and we got as many letters back from readers as any other article we published.

Now, the article pointed out that these sodas (3 types of Coke, Jolt, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew) were in fact, "programmer productivity tools," and as the psuedo Ad Sales Director I realized that Jolt Cola was wasting their money marketing to college kids studying for exams and instead should be targeting programmers and running ad campaigns aimed at nerds.

So I called up the President of Jolt and got a meeting with him at his offices, somewhere outside of Buffalo. I couldn't get him to advertise - I mean they were committed enough to the college market to even have Jolt-logo-ed jock straps - but he did agree to supply cases and cases and cases of Jolt Cola to the SD West Show where these productivity awards were being given. A thick Lucite coating later for the trophies and the famed Jolt awards were born.

Ironically, Jolt hadn't even won the shootout in the article. The reviewer named Mountain Dew as the winner.

I'll find the article.

The Seven Levels of Approval Hell

By Ted “Dante” Bahr

First Level: Customer agrees with your proposal, is excited, but needs the price lowered. With that negotiation settled, both parties are ready to go.

Second Level: You send proposal exactly as agreed. Client goes dark. Radio silence. Nothing. This can last weeks.

Third Level: Response! Excited. Has proposal. Foresees no problems with it!... Just has to get boss to approve...

Fourth Level: Potential silence for long period of time. Then… customer surfaces! Ready to go! Boss has approved!! Send the insertion order!

Fifth Level: Received Insertion order. Looks good. No problems. Really committed to the program. They’re definitely doing this and... just need to get the BOARD of DIRECTORS to approve.

Sixth Level: Won’t respond. Won’t send back the order. Customer frequently said they tried to fax it once….but now… at a trade show…. and then on vacation. Happy to confirm that they DO have the IO…. (this too can last weeks).

Seventh Level: Faxed insertion order in hand! Sale is done, handed over to traffic production teams. Bombay sapphire martinis at Abel Conklin’s until…… client hasn’t sent creative. No ad. No white Paper. It’s not done yet. “We really want to use the NEW CREATIVE.” Should be ready…. At…. the…. end…. of….. this…… week…… Take the order back off the books…

And that’s just for a customer who wants to buy!