Am I Nuts? You Decide.

I’ve been having some fun with Tony Silber, my friend and the Publisher of Folio: Magazine (the magazine about managing magazines). It seems that my blog entry titled, “I’m Not Giving an Inch,” in Folio (titled here as "Call Me Hank Stamper”) required some clarification. Tony called my position (and me) reminiscent of “The Last Samurai,” a movie where the protagonist resists progress and is ultimately crushed by it. Well I feel that is a bit of an extreme characterization of my position (and hopefully my fate), and so I responded. If you’re really bored this Thanksgiving weekend, give it a read.

Here is my original post, on Folio: http://www.foliomag.com/2009/i-m-not-giving-inch


Tony’s comments: http://www.foliomag.com/2009/last-samauri


My response: http://www.foliomag.com/2009/samurai-responds


I like the photo!

Swine Flu Outbreak Averted on JetBlue Flight

LOS ANGELES and NEW YORK – Alert passengers were lauded late last night when JetBlue Flight 672 from Los Angeles touched down at JFK International where an inflight plane-wide swine flu crisis was avoided.

The trouble began soon after the flight had taken off from Los Angeles International Airport when a man, sitting in seat 11a, coughed slightly. Passengers immediately began screaming, with cries of “run, he’s got the SWINE FLU!” Despite the seat belt light still being lit, virtually all passengers on the left side of the plane began crowding over to the right, causing the pilots to seize manual control of the aircraft to avoid going into a barrel roll.

The man, 51-year-old Ted Bahr, of Laurel Hollow, NY, reportedly jumped up, saying he didn’t have the flu but was on the tail end of a really mild cold, but this did not fool the heavily-warned travelers. According to eyewitness accounts, at that moment a woman screamed, “and,….he’s got a HANDKERCHIEF!” which apparently was the final straw for three rugby players from Ireland who made their move amid the chaos, tackling Bahr and wrestling him to the ground.

The three Dublinites then dragged the man to the back of the plane as he continued to protest and swear that there was no way he had the flu and was not contagious. Bahr was then quarantined for the rest of the flight in one of the rear cabin bathrooms and denied all forms of snacks – even the Terra Blue potato chips - by nervous flight attendants.

Center for Disease Control Director Millard Fillmore praised passengers, saying that this kind of quick thinking and reaction can prevent the epidemic from spreading, saying, “this just proves it’s not a hysteria, just a prudent response.” Eight year-old Chauncey Quinn claimed to have “nailed the guy in the face with a hand sanitizer spray as he went by,” high-fiving his father, Edward Quinn. The rest of the flight was uneventful save the continuous knocking and pleadings from the locked bathroom. At JFK, a hazmat team removed Mr. Bahr from the lavatory following a quick evacuation of all the other passengers.

The H1N1 virus, also known as the swine flu, has killed 1,489 people over the last six months, which, despite being a far lower total than virtually any other flu strain in history, seems to have lodged in the public imagination as the Great Scourge of Our Time.

Call Me Hank Stamper

Did you ever read “Sometimes a Great Notion” by Ken Kesey? Yes, the Ken Kesey with the psychedelic bus. Before the Merry Pranksters and after his successful “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” Kesey penned this novel, one of the great works of American fiction, a sprawling tale of the struggles of a northwest logging family, the conflict between brothers, the small independent logging company the family owns and their fights against larger timber interests.

The most recurring metaphor in the book is fighting progress, alluded to in the form of the Stamper family home, which is built right on a bend of a great river that is constantly eroding away the property. Over the years the Stampers have built a crude series of barriers and wired posts and piers to prevent this from happening, but the river is relentless, as rivers will be. Some of the most vivid passages in the book portray the father and older brothers’ attempts to keep the river from destroying the property, typically out in the night in vicious storms, lashing the piers back together, fighting the river of progress, the river of change. The book was made into a film starring Henry Fonda and Paul Newman, with the original title embodying the philosophy of Henry Stamper, “Never Give an Inch.”

Out west last week, I was pitching print advertising (along with our online properties) to marketers who thought I had landed there from another planet. To one, print was so alien that he took a genuine interest in it. It was a novelty. More and more marketers just start conversations by letting you know that they’re not doing print as a matter of fact. Many of my competitors and fellow high-tech publishers have given up, letting the river flow, and you can see the results in the steadily eroding group of high-tech titles still in print. I can’t quite explain why, but like Henry Stamper, I refuse to yield. I refuse to bend to the times, to just accept the advertiser’s misguided notions that print is dead and not even worth talking about. While I’m happy to sell a few white papers at the end of the call, most of the time I’m taking them out to the woodshed to disabuse them of their anti-print bias -- whether they buy it today or not.

It’s up to those of us in the industry to stand up passionately for what we believe in and what we know to be true. The easy days of print as an accepted medium are over. Washed well downstream. But we know people are still reading our publications, and becoming aware of and interested in companies through the print ads. It’s up to us to lash together the arguments and fight. We’re deep into contract season and I’m getting on planes to visit customers. And not giving an inch.

Man, 50, Forgets Sunglasses, Detained at LAX

LOS ANGELES, CA, OCTOBER 26, 2009

In a case of remarkably poor judgment, a 50-year old man was detained while attempting to disembark in Los Angeles without bringing sunglasses or eyeshades of any kind.

The white male, identified as Ted Bahr from Laurel Hollow, NY, was detained by US Homeland Security forces at the Los Angeles International Airport, where the security alert was raised from Yellow to Orange for the rest of the afternoon.

“Look, I’m sorry. That’s what I get for leaving New York early in the morning – it was completely dark outside at the time,” said the man, who pleaded to be allowed through security to shop at one of the four sunglasses shops visible further down the terminal.

“Clearly this individual was either incredibly naïve, or, more likely, planning some sort of terrorist action which would involve operating only at night. I mean, nobody flies into LA without sunglasses,” explained Airport Security Chief Jon Richardson.

Bahr maintained his innocence as he was led away to a strip search, “Look I just forgot, I can’ t possibly be the first one.”

Other passengers on the short hop from Las Vegas were as surprised as airport security, “How completely uncool,” scoffed actor and avid poker player Willie Garson, “he’d never survive in this town. Being taken into custody is probably for the guy’s own good.”

Playing Newsstand Shuffle


The games we play change over time. I wonder if my favorite magazine game has gone the way of stickball and “kick the can.” When I worked at Ziff-Davis in the 1980’s I was fortunate enough to be placed in a “loop course” type of specialized circulation class taught by the VP of Circulation and one of the industry’s most outrageous old school characters, Larry Sporn. Larry taught us a simple little game called “newsstand shuffle.” Basically, all you had to do was go to a newsstand, browse the magazines, and accidentally place your companies’ titles on top of your competitors’ magazines. The trick was to make sure you didn’t get caught by the newsstand manager but this wasn’t very difficult. It was a cheap thrill.

Where the game really got going though was the classic Mother of All Newsstands, that being the one at the edge of Grand Central Station, in the PanAm building (now MetLife). Here was a newsstand in the hub of The Great Commute – 108,000 people were estimated to be streaming through the building each day according to an article in the NY Times on June 18, 1984. At that point in time, the newsstand stocked more than 2,000 titles and sold 10,000 copies of magazines per week.

But volume was just half the story. This newsstand was smack in the middle of the magazine publishing AND ad agency capital of the world. Beyond just selling copies, it was critical that the hundreds of media buyers streaming by each day saw your title prominently displayed. Since so many magazine professionals walked through the station daily, Newsstand Shuffle here became a very lively game. If you stood and watched closely you could see people casually picking up an issue (or four), casually glance over their shoulder at the counter and then quickly shuffle the magazines to their favor. Sometimes competitors would be in the PanAm at the same time seeing who was willing to take a later train and get the last laugh.

Of course the next day, someone else had either fixed the stack or buried your magazine under Civil War News or something. So to win we had to compete almost every day.

Is anyone still playing?

Virgin America Announces Capital Upgrade Plan

NEW YORK, OCTOBER 21, 2009 -- Maverick airline Virgin America announced a series of capital improvements designed to improve the passenger experience of travelers departing from it’s JFK terminal.

“We’ve selected what we call the “Virgin” segment of the flying audience and decided to maximize their interaction with our brand,” noted Virgin CEO Richard Branson, who was wearing a bra, panties , and a purple wizard’s cape as he parachuted onto the roof of Terminal 4 for an impromtu press conference.

The announcement, involving at least $46,000 of expenditures, highlighted changes in colors, scents, and overall customer ambiance.

“To start, we’ve painted all the seats a deep dark red, just like Apple’s Bono IPod,” began Branson, “and we have instituted a new policy wherein at least two out of three stewardesses will be on board with virtually no experience serving passengers so they can maintain that sexily clumsy look, evoking sympathy from our passengers and taking their mind off the abnormally long flight delays. Really quite entertaining, “ said Branson.

Another exciting development which Mr. Branson was eager to demonstrate was the attachment of small replicas of flies inside the men’s room urinals. “See isn’t this fun? Target practice, “ smiled the diminutive elfin CEO as he candidly relieved himself in front of horrified reporters.

While apparently urged to open some sort of food emporiums that would serve breakfast in Terminal Four by his American project executives, Branson dismissed the need. “One of our larger investments in T4, as we call it, is an aromatherapy device that dispenses pleasing scents throughout the terminal. Our type of flyer is typically wan and starving anyway and will appreciate our catering to his or her sensitivities. And don’t forget the hip purple lighting onboard,” boasted the bearded executive.

When interviewed, exiting passengers seem confused, “don’t asked me how the flight was,” exclaimed an angry Clem Haskins from Covington, Kentucky, “two different flight attendants spilled drinks on me and I could hardly breathe with that there perfumy smell.”

Waiting passenger Toby Babcock was seen trailing a large carry-on bag back and forth from one end of the terminal food, “it took me 2 hours to get to the airport for a 6 hour flight with no food. What the hell are these guys thinking?”

When asked about this, Branson said that in order to project the proper European image, none of the restaurants would open before ten am, known internally at Virgin as the “continental policy.” “No hip European would travel by plane before late morning at the earliest – we’re simply bringing civilization here to JFK.”

Bloomberg and Business Week: The Future of Magazines?

Many years ago when I had the good fortune to work for Ziff-Davis, I read a quote from Bill Ziff about how publishing had changed. I’ve lost the quote but it went something like this:

“It used to be that our business was run by enthusiastic eccentrics - people who worked and lived day in and day out in their markets and hardly even realized that they were running a ’business,’ in the classical sense, at all.”

I brought this idea up speaking to a roomful of publishers at the Niche Magazine Conference in April – that the future may be linked to the past and that the magazines of tomorrow need to be published by independent entrepreneurs and smaller, dedicated companies.

Like Inc. Magazine, which was purchased a few years ago by Morningstar founder Joe Mansueto, Business Week under Michael Bloomberg can hopefully enjoy a life beyond the super strict demands of a publicly-held company like McGraw-Hill.

Essentially, Michael Bloomberg and Joe Mansueto can afford to ride the economic ups and downs over time and frankly, can also afford to publish at a loss. Even though someone buys a professional sports team telling themselves that they can make it profitable, we all know the real reason is that they are a fan.

If the long-term future of magazines, the short-term will still be wrenching. All the private equity-held companies are reviewing terms with their lenders realizing that these much smaller businesses cannot support the debt. And the industry sea change toward an online world continues to claim many casualties. Yesterday’s shuttering of the former Commercial Property News by Nielsen brought another shudder: at Miller Freeman this David Nussbaum-created title was one of the biggest revenue producers and year-after-year the #1 most profitable title in a field of 60 in the 1990s.

It looks like time to bring on the enthusiastic eccentrics.

A Trip to the Newsstand

Lunchtime brought me to the newsstand at my local independent bookstore to see firsthand what the magazine landscape was looking like. There were far fewer titles than in past years, this fact poorly masked by stacking survivors directly over themselves in three rows. But some magazines were still going strong.

The latest issue of Brides Magazine topped out at about 496 pages. Now wait a minute – didn’t they…. Something is certainly badly wrong in Conde Nast-ville if they can’t bring expenses in line on this title, which as we all know is all advertising anyway. 500 pages and this is the off-season for bridal titles! Are all those ad pages really going to go into Modern Bride which wasn’t even ON my newsstand? No. Some will go to competitors while others will sadly just vanish.

Hemming Motor News was almost 600 pages. This is getting out of hand. Hemmings is almost all classified advertising for classic cars - the type of product that the Internet was personally hand-crafted to disintermediate entirely? How does this title keep thriving in print?!!

Another magazine bucking the trend was High Times. The venerable how-to guide for stoners was a beefy 138 pages with more growing lights, pipes, scales, soda-can safes, and “Indoor Hydro Superclosets,” than certainly I ever dreamed even existed. I guess there is still a decent market for, er, highly-focused niche titles, including this new one I noticed, “A Bear’s Life,” which is targeted at large, bearded gay men. Now that is a niche magazine!

B-to-B Media: In the Recession’s Winter

It’s very quiet now, as the snow falls across the recessionary landscape. Though it’s only Fall outside, inside the B-to-B media business feels like winter. The private-equity players that got caught when the music ended with no chairs left to sit on or Greater Fools around to buy their roll-ups are sitting in workout meeting after workout meeting with the banks and other lenders trying to scale back their debt and cut their losses.

The CEO’s and top managers of these companies are gamely pulling in the remaining revenues for 2009. The cuts they made probably won’t be the last but the Fall usually brings a few pleasant surprises, a few surplus budgets willing to spend. But they know what’s coming. We all know what’s coming. The turn of the year. Contract time. We all have No Idea What Will Happen. Customers are being coy, playing their hands close, bravely saying they’ll be in next year but…we just don’t know. They see the media businesses are weak, reeling, ready to be taken advantage of. It’s the very quiet elephant in the room. Next year’s business.

Gone is the talk of Second Life, podcasts, video and vertical search and all of the other Next Digital Upsides. Yes we may all be doing some of these things and indeed online revenues are becoming a growing percentage of our businesses – but they’re smaller businesses. It’s quiet, cold and quiet, across the snowfields. We’re hunkered down. Waiting.

My faint hope is that the next 12 months will be the winter of our recession and that Spring begins to emerge for the survivors. But right now, looking to the November and December contract season for 2010 it’s very uncertain. And it gives me shivers to think about.

Street-Level View of the Economy, By Gerry the Tailor

Gerry is not actually my tailor, but a guy I buy suits from at the local high-end men's store. Needless to say, I have not been a recent customer, but there he was, walking down the street and we called to each other by name. I told him why I hadn't been in since last crazy Fall and asked him how his business was doing. So here you go, from the ground floor.

Gerry said their business tanked in the Fall of '08 and the 3-store men's chain laid off 60 people in January - a massive number. Everyone took 20% cuts and they braved it through the winter and thus far 2009 with a target through September that was 30% lower than originally planned. But they made it, he said, finishing at down 24%. He beamed. Their 20% pay cuts were being restored next week.

Nice. Maybe I'll even visit him again in a few months.

Google to Increase Revenue for Publishers - What a Crock

The news that Google will now broker display ads much as it does text ads is positioned by the company as being a way for publishers to make more money by selling remnant banner space. Here is a link to the article in the WSJ: http://bit.ly/W5UEJ

I have a few issues. First of all, many vertical niche publishers already have relationships in place with ad networks that suck up and sell all of their remnant space. For example we partner with IDG Technetwork and are generally happy. There are hundreds of other networks like this. But our experience and what I have heard from others is that the revenues from these source just keep on dropping as inventory increases and advertisers demand more services for less cost-per-impression and cost-per-click. As I have said before, the media business is suffering from not so much "dollars into dimes" but "dollars into pennies."

So first, Publishers are NOT going to make any significant money from this. (4 years ago we made $600-700 per month from Google adwords. more recently, it dropped to less than $100 per month. We have removed them from our site).

This experience, which is pretty universal unless your ad page view growth outstrips Google's decreasing returns, means that web publishers like us will tell Google to "take a hike."

I've also heard from customers - advertisers - that they are growing increasingly suspect of their Google adwords investments. As such, I don't even know if the idea will fly for Google. Not everything they do works.

Maybe by placing display ads on the blogs of individuals with day jobs who currently get no revenue for their efforts - maybe they will be satisfied with a few hundred dollars per month versus nothing. But for professional web publishers, for certain, the idea that Google is now going to make us rich is a joke.

End of the Recession – is it just Me?

Is it just me, or was the Sunday Times packed with ads this weekend?

No one can predict the future. But the collective efforts of pundits media-wide generally get it right. In 2008, by April, news media outlets were falling all over themselves trying to use more catastrophic terms for the coming apocalypse - but did we pay attention?

Of course not. We are too wedded to the current trends and since the trends had been up up up at that point, to call the top of the market was just hubris. I wish I had some of that hubris. But here’s my point: it’s human nature to try and read the tea leaves and follow the path that has gone before. Which brings me to the current recession (you remember, the worst since the Great D). Most of you are still thinking things are bad - real bad. And maybe they are (take employment for example).


But the signs that this recession is swinging upward are surrounding us. So the question is….how long will it be before YOU accept this and get on board? One thousand and one studies have shown that aggressive marketers during recessions emerge with greater market share and sales and profits. You’ve been through this before too. You’ve seen it before. How much more time will you wait on the sidelines? When it feels safe, it’s too late. Is it just me?

Neat Digital Ad


Now THIS is cool. Above is a snapshot of weather.com at about 4:45pm. The ad on the right, for Cuervo Gold Tequila, has sucked out the current temperature and the location I had looked up and put that info IN THE AD. I am sorry, I am impressed.

Of course this ad is running during happy hour too.

Trying to find out who the agency is that is responsible but too much noise on google. Can't wait to show our IT director this one! (you think you have it rough, try to do this!!)

Print Mags Going out of Business - Let's Get on With It!

I had drinks the other night with a buddy who is the CEO of a 4th generation firm that manufactures assembly line products for food industries. His eyes lit up when he talked about how they were e-mailing interactive PDF “specials” to his customer list. The cost was nothing, and he could track hits and links and they even made a sale from this (a sales for him is a big ticket).

He scoffed and said he was never going to buy a print ad again. I asked why and he said because you can’t track it. So we talked for a while about how e-mailing your customer base was not defining his brand or introducing his company to any NEW prospects. By the time we were done he had agreed to buy 8 4-color full pages in the most dominant of the three publications serving his industry. (I have to look up that publisher – they owe me one!)

But my friend mentioned that the other two publications were getting thinner, there was no good editorial in them etc. etc…. My advice to those publications is to get it over with and go out of business. Companies still need to do print advertising for many reasons, but just not as much as they used to. A few strong publications will survive, let’s get on with it.

The Return of the Maiden Name

A bit off-topic but here is an observation. For 30-40 years there has been a question when a woman gets married. What to do with her name. In my wife's family we have most of the options on display:

My wife took my last name and the kids have my name

One sister did the hyphenation for her, her spouse and the kids (Meyer-Idzik)

Her brother's wife kept her name, and they merged names for the kids (he reamins Idzik, she remained Miller and the kids were: Miller + Idzik = Midzik)

The other sister did a full merger, she, spouse and kids are all the same: (Smith + Idzik = Smidzik)

There are alot of choices. But what is interesting is the alumni directories and now FaceBook especially (this is for the people in their 30s or older who are using Facebook to catch up with old acquaintances) - many of the women are listing their names as Mary Jones Smith - so people can find them. I have many married friends who took their husband's name at least outside of work, and now through FaceBook I am suddenly learning their maiden names. I don't know the point here except that it is intersting. What does this mean for future generations of kid-naming? Nothing perhaps, but I always wondered what happens when hyphenated-named kids marry other hyphenated-named kids - do they just keep it going??

This mattered alot more to me before delving heavily into my family geneaology a few years back, when I realized that blood is blood no matter what the name is.

Randomly,

ted

The Race to the Bottom

It seems to me as if media companies are falling all over one another in a race to price themselves out of business. First, print, with a few exceptions such as SD Times, is in a death spiral. We know that many many publications are on their way out. But it seems that media companies in jumping on the online bandwagon are so desperate for sales – any sales – that they are pricing themselves into oblivion.

Because there are very low barriers to entry on the Internet there are often dozens or even hundreds of places that an advertiser MIGHT find a buyer. Which websites are best?? Dunno, wonders the ad buyer, who then concludes that it must be the ones that generate the most clicks or have lower prices.

What about the hundreds of blogs or websites that might mention your product or be “on topic?” The popular solution has become the so-called Ad Network, which acts like a broker. Advertisers can place one banner with an Ad Network, and it’ll appear on hundreds of websites. At the opposite end of the business, website owners can sell their “inventory” of banner spots via the Ad Network with no effort – especially leftover, or remnant, space.

Sound like win-win? It’s not. It’s lose-lose.

When websites – with their carefully crafted content, expensive designs and unique readers – become just another member of an Ad Network, do you know what they are? A commodity. An eyeball aggregator. Nothing more.

When you’re part of an Ad Network, a click is a click is a click and the lowest price wins every time. Therefore, the Ad Networks, with the willing cooperation of publishers and advertisers, are slashing prices in an effort to compete with one another. A network I use recently told me their standard CPM (cost per thousand impression) for remnant space was dropping to 50 CENTS. That’s one million impressions generating $500 in revenue. Who can stay in business for that? (We told them they were not to sell any remnant space on our site.)

Plus, the Ad Networks are now being asked to serve up certain sections, pages, niches within their website. Slicing and dicing. This means that a network advertiser will buy fewer impressions – less money for publishers – as it cherry-picks only specific parts of websites. Where does this end?

Maybe Rupert Murdoch has figured this out as he brashly said today, “ENOUGH,” we’re not giving our content away for free anymore: http://bit.ly/14o03e. It’s like a take-off on the New Hampshire state motto: “Give Free and Die” Oh I know, everyone says lead-gen is the answer – I don’t think so. Stay tuned.

EchoSign - Please Advertise to me!

I got a cold call today from a salesperson at Echosign - a company that enables digital signatures online so that a client doesn't have to "print out, sign and fax back" a contract. This solves a major problem we have encountered and I reference in my blog entry, The Seven Levels of Approval Hell (http://tinyurl.com/cuo9ee).

I asked the caller some questions and told him I was HIGHLY INTERESTED and to please take me to the next step which involved him having another person call me next week. I agreed to this but then thought of all the companies out there that call me – about 20 per week – that I have never heard of. I began to worry, what happens if I forget who these guys are? I’ve never heard of Echosign. Never seen their ads. Never even seen a logo to visualize. I know nothing about them, their product, what they stand for, how long they have been in business etc….

For 19 out of these 20 cold calls I receive per week I hang up briskly after the hapless rep asks, “have you heard of us?” Poor guys. “NO I have NOT heard of you. Would you like to know WHY? Because your CEO and CFO don’t do print advertising.” If you want to do business with me you will first advertise in INC Magazine, which I read to learn about how to improve my business. And I look at ALL the ads (some longer than others, of course). By the time I do a google search, it's too late. More on that in Part 2.

That is how I learn of what bank I am going to switch to. What software and hardware solutions are out there. Whether to use some wacky AdminiTempHealthPackageSoft product. What needs can be solved by this product or that. I come to learn who the players are, who the leaders are - whose phone call I should return! On my own time, in a place on my choosing, I will get to know you.

I told the EchoSign rep to go talk to his CEO and CFO. No, not the Marketing director – that’s not where the problem lies. The CEO and CFO think that if something isn’t measurable, it serves no purpose. I guarantee that if Echosign advertised in INC Magazine and Sales & Marketing Management for 9 months and THEN rented their lists and telemarketed that their hit rate would jump from 1 in 20 to 3 in 10 - or more. They don’t need to advertise everywhere. Just pick a core magazine or two and brand your company and product.

I can’t stand companies that just call me out of the blue. It’s so ignorant and, frankly, rude. It’s like going up to someone and just asking them to sleep with you. Excuse me??? Who are YOU? Do I KNOW YOU?

Think about it.

How the Jolt Awards Got Their Name

The Jolt Awards were named after Jolt Cola ("twice the caffeine and twice the sugar") of course...but why? If you must know, it followed the publication in the April 1989 issue of Computer Language Magazine containing the product comparison article I wrote about Caffeinated Soft Drinks. This tongue-in-cheek article was alot of fun to write in the "compiler product review" language of the day and we got as many letters back from readers as any other article we published.

Now, the article pointed out that these sodas (3 types of Coke, Jolt, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew) were in fact, "programmer productivity tools," and as the psuedo Ad Sales Director I realized that Jolt Cola was wasting their money marketing to college kids studying for exams and instead should be targeting programmers and running ad campaigns aimed at nerds.

So I called up the President of Jolt and got a meeting with him at his offices, somewhere outside of Buffalo. I couldn't get him to advertise - I mean they were committed enough to the college market to even have Jolt-logo-ed jock straps - but he did agree to supply cases and cases and cases of Jolt Cola to the SD West Show where these productivity awards were being given. A thick Lucite coating later for the trophies and the famed Jolt awards were born.

Ironically, Jolt hadn't even won the shootout in the article. The reviewer named Mountain Dew as the winner.

I'll find the article.

The Seven Levels of Approval Hell

By Ted “Dante” Bahr

First Level: Customer agrees with your proposal, is excited, but needs the price lowered. With that negotiation settled, both parties are ready to go.

Second Level: You send proposal exactly as agreed. Client goes dark. Radio silence. Nothing. This can last weeks.

Third Level: Response! Excited. Has proposal. Foresees no problems with it!... Just has to get boss to approve...

Fourth Level: Potential silence for long period of time. Then… customer surfaces! Ready to go! Boss has approved!! Send the insertion order!

Fifth Level: Received Insertion order. Looks good. No problems. Really committed to the program. They’re definitely doing this and... just need to get the BOARD of DIRECTORS to approve.

Sixth Level: Won’t respond. Won’t send back the order. Customer frequently said they tried to fax it once….but now… at a trade show…. and then on vacation. Happy to confirm that they DO have the IO…. (this too can last weeks).

Seventh Level: Faxed insertion order in hand! Sale is done, handed over to traffic production teams. Bombay sapphire martinis at Abel Conklin’s until…… client hasn’t sent creative. No ad. No white Paper. It’s not done yet. “We really want to use the NEW CREATIVE.” Should be ready…. At…. the…. end…. of….. this…… week…… Take the order back off the books…

And that’s just for a customer who wants to buy!